A man was approached by a coworker at lunch who invited him out for few
beers
after work. The man said that his wife would never go for it, that she
does
not allow him to go drinking with the guys after work.
The coworker suggested a way to overcome that problem: When you get home
tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, gently pull
down
your wife's panties, and give her oral sex. Women love it, and believe
me,
she'll never mention that you were out late with the boys, again.
So the man agreed to try it, and went out and enjoyed himself. Later that
night, knowing he was going to be busted, he snuck into the house, slid
down
under the sheets, gently slid down his wife's panties, and gave her oral
sex.
She moaned and groaned with pleasure, but after a little while, he
realized
he had to take a leak, so he told her he'd be right back, got out of bed
and
walked down the hall to the bathroom.
When hed the door and went in, he was very surprised to see his
wife
sitting on the toilet.
"How did you get in here?" he asked.
"Shhhhh," she replied, "Mom's visiting and you'll wake her up!"
SENT
BY: ELIZABETH McDONALD OF SIMI VALLEY, CA.
TATTOO
A guy gets home late one night and his wife says: "where the hell have you
been?"
"I was out getting a tattoo."
"A tattoo? What kind of tattoo did you get?"
"I got a hundred dollar bill on my penis."
"What the hell were you thinking? Why did you get a hundred
dollar bill on your penis?"
"Well, number one, I like to watch my money grow. Number two,
once in a while, I like
to play with my money. And lastly, instead of you going out
shopping, you can stay right
here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want!"
SENT
BY JUSTIN GIBSON OF SIMI VALLEY, CA.
GOOD REASON
A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the
interstate for a nice
evening drive. The top
was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of
his hair, and he
decided toher up.
As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw
flashing red and blue
lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch a BMW," he thought to
himself andd her
up further. The needle
hit 90, 100.... then the reality of the situation hit
him. "What the hell am
I doing?" he thought
and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word,
and examined it and
said, "It's been a long
day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Friday the
13th. I don't feel
like more paperwork, so if
you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't
heard before, you
can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife
ran off with a cop.
I was afraid you were
trying to give her back."
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.
SENT
BY DOUG REED OF SIMI VALLEY, CA.
Jake
and his Wife
Jake was on his
deathbed. His wife, Becky was maintaining a vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand; tears ran down her
face. Her praying
roused him from his slumber. He looked up and her pale lips began to move
slightly. "My darling Becky," he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Rest.
Shhh.... don't
talk." He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice. "I
have something
I must confess to you." "There's nothing to confess, " replied the weeping Becky.
"Everything's all right, go to sleep."
"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I slept with your sister,
your best
friend, and your mother." "I
know", answered Becky, "that's why I poisoned you."
SENT
BY DINO OF MALIBU, CA.
Thinking of
Getting Married ?
Thinking
of getting married?.......
A newly married couple returned to their house after being on honeymoon.
"Care to go upstairs and have a shag?" the husband asked.
"Shhhh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what
we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future,
we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about
asking 'Have you
left the washing machine door instead?
So the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left
the washing machine door did you?"
"No, I definitely shut it", replied the wife who rolled over
and fell asleep.
When she woke up however, she was feeling a little amorous herself and
she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing
machine doorafter all. Would you like to do some washing?"
"No thanks" said the husband, "It was only a small load
and I've done it by hand."