The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on
Mars after accumulating
enough frequent flier miles. They meet a
Martian couple and are talking
about all sorts of things.
Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they
have laptop computers,
how they make money, etc., Finally, Maureen
brings up the subject of s*x.
"Just how do you guys do it?"
The Martian responds, "Pretty much the way
you do," A discussion
ensues and finally the couples decide to swap
partners for the night
and experience one another.
Maureen and the male Martian go off to a
bedroom where the Martian
strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie
member-about half an inch long and
just a quarter inch thick.
"I don't think this is going to work," says
Maureen.
"Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?" "Well,"
she replies, "It's just not
long enough to reach me!" "No problem," he
says, and proceeds to slap his
forehead with his palm. With each slap of his
forehead, his member grows
until it's quite impressively long. "Well,"
she says, "that's quite
Impressive, but it is still narrow," "No
problem," he says, and starts
pulling his ears. With each pull, his member
grows wider and wider until
the entire measurement is extremely exciting
to the woman.
"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and
made mad, passionate
love. The next day the couples rejoin their
normal partners and go their
separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks
"Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was
pretty wonderful. "How about you?"
"It was horrible," he replies, "all I got was
a headache. . . she kept
slapping my forehead and pulling my ears."
SENT
BY PAT EVANS OF SIMI VALLEY
Penis Request
a Promotion
The Penis requests a promotion and a raise for the
following reasons:
has to work hard;
has to work at great depths;
has to work upside down;
has no ventilation or air conditioned
environment at work;
has to work in a high humidity environment;
has to work at high temperatures;
does not get weekends and holidays off;
does not get time off after extra hours of
work;
has a hazardous work environment that often
causes
professional sickness.
Request denied for the following reasons:
does not work 8 hours in a row;
does not answer immediately to all requests;
after a short activity period, falls asleep at
work;
shows no fidelity to the workplace;
retires too early;
does not work at all unless pushed from behind;
does not leave the workplace clean after
finishing work;sometimes leaves work, too early.
SENT
BY DOUG REED OF SIMI VALLEY, CA.
Lady and her Dog
A woman walks into a bar and orders two shots.
She downs the first one
"This is for the shame", and then the second one
"This is for the glory."
She then orders two more shots.
She drinks the first one "This is for the shame" and then the second one
"This is for the glory."
She is about to order two more shots when the bartender stops her.
"Ma'am, I was just wondering ... what's this about shame and glory?"
"Well," she replies, "I like to do my housework naked. But when I bent
over to pick something up, my Great Dane mounted me from behind."
"That must be the shame," the bartender said.
"No, that was the glory. The shame is when we got locked together and
he dragged me around the front yard for thirty minutes."
SENT
BY JUSTIN GIBSON OF SIMI VALLEY, CA.
The Study of The
Penis Head
Italy has funded a study to determine why the head on a man's
penis is wider
than its shaft. The study took 2 years and cost over 180,000,000,000
lira.
The results of the study concluded that the reason the head
of a man's penis
is wider was to provide the man with more pleasure during sex.
After the results were published, France decided to conduct their own
study on the same subject.
They were convinced that the results of the Italian study were
incorrect. After three years of research and cost in excess of
250,000.000 francs they concluded that the head of a man's penis is
wider than the shaft to provide the women with more pleasure during sex.
When the results of the French study were released, the English
decided to conduct their own study.
The English didn't really trust the Italian or French studies. So
after nearly three weeks of intensive research and at a cost of approx. 36 quid, the English study came to the final conclusion
that the reason the head on a man's penis is wider than its shaft is to prevent his hand from
flying off and hitting him in the face.
SENT
BY JUSTIN GIBSON OF SIMI VALLEY
Safe Sex
Safe Sex
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen
to walk
by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these,
Dad?".
To which the man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called
condoms, son.
Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see.", replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard
of that in health
class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package
of 3 and
asks,"Why are there 3 in this package?"
The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday;
one for
Saturday; and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks, "Then
who are these for?"
"Those are for college men.", the dad answers. "TWO for
Friday; TWO for
Saturday; and TWO for Sunday."
"WOW!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses THESE?" he
asks, picking up a
12-pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for
January;
one for February; one for . . . ."
SENT
BY
GUY (DUCKY) OF SIMI VALLEY, CA
Priest Dispenser
PRIEST
DISPENSERS
==================
Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and
step in the showers before they realize there is no soap. Father
John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to
dress. He grabs two bars of soap in his hands and heads back to the
showers. He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading
his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes
like he's a statue. The nuns stop and comment on how lifelike he
looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls his dick.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap. "Oh look," says the
2nd nun..." a soap dispenser." To test her theory she also
pulls his dick...and sure enough he drops the last
bar of soap. The third nun then pulls, first once, then twice
and three times. Still nothing happens. So she tries once more and to her
delight she yells..."Look, hand cream!"
SENT
BY: DOUG REED OF SIMI VALLEY, CA
Medical Terminology
"Medical
Terminology"
Two Texans were having the blue-plate special at their favorite
watering hole when they heard an awful choking sound. They turned
around to see a lady a few bar stools down turning blue from wolfing
down an Armadillo burger too fast.
The first Texan said to the other, "Think we ought to help?"
"Yep," said the second Texan.
The first Texan got up and walked over to the lady and asked, "Can
you breathe?"
She shook her head no.
"Can you speak?" he asked.
She shook her head no again.
With that, he helped her to her feet, lifted up her skirt and started
to lick her butt. She was so shocked, she coughed up the obstruction
and began to breathe, with great relief.
The first Texan turned back to his friend and said, "Funny how that
Hind Lick Maneuver works every time!"