Blond Jokes

 SAY IT WITH FLOWERS

  Two friends, a blonde and a brunette, are walking down the street
  and pass a flower shop where the brunette happens to see her boyfriend
  buying
  flowers.
 
  She sighs and says, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers
  again...for no reason."
 
  The blonde looks quizzically at her and says, "What's the big
  deal, don't you like getting flowers?"
 
  The brunette says, "Oh sure ... but he always has expectations
  after getting me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next
  three days on my back with my legs in the air."

  The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"

SENT BY JUSTIN GIBSON OF SIMI VALLEY, CA. 

7 FUNNY BLOND JOKES

 ONE
  A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the 
morning,
  the wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a
  moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and 
hung
  up.
  The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some
  Woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear.'

  TWO
  Two blondes are walking down the street: One notices a compact on 
the
  sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She it; looks in the
  mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde
  says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact.
  The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

  THREE
  A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out
  and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she
  the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde
  is
  really angry. She her purse to take out the gun, and as she does 
so
  she
  is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
  The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies,
  "Shut up, you're next!"

  FOUR
  A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She
 proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says,
  "O.K., what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh,
  that's easy: W."

  FIVE
  What did the blonde say to her doctor when he told her she was
 pregnant? "Is it mine?"

  SIX
  A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.
  Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a
  scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.
  "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that
  was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm
  just
  fine!" the blonde chirped."
  Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he
  surveyed the wrecked. car.
  "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began.
  "I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops
  up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another 
tree!
  I
  swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I swerved to the
  right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was
  ..."
  "Uh, ma'am", the officer said,
  cutting her off ... "there isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That
  was your air freshener swinging back and forth."

  SEVEN

  Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her
  house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police
  at once and reported the crime.
  The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the channels,
  and a K-9 unit patrolling nearby was the first to respond.
  As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a
  leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the
  sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps.
  Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to
  find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help,
  and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!"

SENT BY JUSTIN GIBSON OF SIMI VALLEY, CA.

BLOND JOKES

A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the
wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing
lights
and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn
and
yelled, "PULLOVER!"
"NO," the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
##########

The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his
company.
He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If
you
could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it
be?"
The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."
##########

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian
said,
"We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what, we're going to be the first on the sun.
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
"You can't land on the sun, you idiot! you'll burn up!" said the
Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going
at
night!"
##########

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely
if he
could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just
yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show
it
to you!"
#########

A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She
rolled
the dice and she landed on "Science & Nature." Her question was, "If you
are
in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought
for a
time and then asked, "First thing I need to know, Is it on or off?"
#########

The blonde reported for her university final examination which consists
of
"yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall,
stares
at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration
takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and
marking
the answer sheet-Yes for heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour
she is
all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the
last
few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, muttering and
sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going
on.
"I finished the exam in half an hour. But I'm rechecking my answers."
########

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new blonde stewardess.
The
route they were flying had a stay-over in another city, so upon their
arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline
personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's
route, he
noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at
the
hotel and called her up wondering what happened to her. She answered
the
phone, sobbing, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't
get
out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?" The stewardess replied,
"There are only three doors in here," she cried, "one is the bathroom,
one
is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'!"
###########

Q. There are three girls, all in grade 3: one a brunette, one a redhead,
and
one a blonde. Which one of them has the best body? A. The blonde,
because
she's 19 years old.
#########

SENT BY JUSTIN GIBSON OF SIMI VALLEY, CA.

DEPRESSED BLOND

 A depresses young blond was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean.  When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for.  I'm off to Europe in the morning and, if you like, I can stow you away on my ship.  I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."  Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."  the girl nodded 'yes'.  After all, what did she have to lose?  That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat.  From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.  Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain.   "What are you doing here?" the captain asked.  "I have an agreement with one of the sailors," she explained.  "I get food and a trip to Europe, and he's screwing me."  "He sure is lady," said the captain.  "This is the Staten Island Ferry."   

SENT BY JUSTIN GIBSON OF SIMI VALLEY

  SHE WAS SO BLONDE THAT...

SHE WAS SO BLONDE THAT...

She thought a quarterback was a refund.

She tripped over the cordless phone.

She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

If she spoke her mind, she'd be speechless.

When she heard that 90% of all accidents happened near your home, she moved.

Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? ..It took her months to figure out she could use it after noon.

Why can't blondes take coffee breaks?  ..They're too hard to retrain.

What do you call a freezer full of blondes??  .. Frosted flakes

What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle?  ..A dope ring.

What do you call a smart blonde?  ..A golden retriever.

What's the definition of eternity?  ..4 blondes at a 4-way stop.

What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the ocean?  ..An air pocket.

What do you call a basement full of blondes?  ..A whine cellar..

And Finally.....
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?  .."Oh, look!! Donut seeds!