|
Take a beer and send the truck to all of your friends!!!!!!
|^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ | ||__
| B u d w e i s e r | ||''|"'''\,__
|_..._..._____I ===|==||_|___|.....]
"(@)'(@)"""*|(@)(@)**(@)*I(@)
25 REASONS WHY
ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK
1. It's an incentive to show up.
2. It reduces stress.
3. It leads to more honest communications.
4. It reduces complaints about low pay.
5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a
hangover.
6. Employees tell management what they think, not
what management wants to hear.
7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
8. It encourages carpooling.
9. Increase job satisfaction because if you have a bad
job, you don't care.
10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather
come to work.
11. It makes fellow employees look better.
12. It makes vending machine food taste better.
13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they
are wasted.
14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.
15. Suddenly, violent belching during a meeting isn't so
embarrassing.
16. Employees work later since there's no longer a need to relax at
the bar.
17. It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
18. Everyone agrees they work better after they've had a
couple of drinks.
19. Eliminates the need for employees to get drunk on
their lunch break.
20. Increases the chance of seeing your boss
naked.-SCARY!!!!
21. It promotes foreign relations with the former Soviet
Union.
22. The janitor's closet will finally have a use.
23. Employees no longer need coffee to sober up.
24. Sitting on the copy machine will no longer be seen as
"gross."!!!
25. Babbling & mumbling incoherently will be common,
not just restricted to the higher ups.
SENT
BY JUSTIN GIBSON OF SIMI VALLEY, CA.
Drinkers Guide
If you recognize yourself in any of the situations below, you're in
real
trouble. On the other hand, if you do, chances are that you don't care
anyway.
Drinkers' Troubleshooting Guide
Symptom : Drinking fails to give satisfaction and shirt front is wet.
Fault : Mouth not open when drinking or glass being applied to wrong
part of
face.
Solution : Buy another pint and practice in front of a mirror. Continue
with
as many pints as necessary until drinking technique is perfect.
Symptom : Drinking fails to give satisfaction and beer unusually pale
and
clear.
Fault : Glass is empty.
Solution : Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom : Feet cold and wet.
Fault : Glass being held at incorrect angle.
Solution : Turn glass so that open end is pointing at ceiling.
Symptom : Feet warm and wet.
Fault : Loss of self-control.
Solution : Go and stand beside nearest dog. After a while complain to
its
owner about its lack of house training.
Symptom : Lap cool and wet.
Fault : Drooling on yourself.
Solution : Change position so that you are drooling on someone else.
Symptom : Bar blurred.
Fault : You are looking through the bottom of your empty glass.
Solution : Find someone who will buy you another pint.
Symptom : Bar moving.
Fault : You are being carried out.
Solution : Find out if you are being taken to another bar. If not,
complain
loudly that you are being hijacked.
Symptom : Bar looks like a circus.
Fault : You're at a circus.
Solution : Go to a bar.
Symptom : The opposite wall is covered with ceiling tiles and has a
fluorescent strip across it.
Fault : You have fallen over backwards.
Solution : If glass is still full, and no one is standing on your
drinking
arm, stay put.
If not, get someone to lift you up and lash you to the bar.
Symptom : Everything has gone dim and you have a mouth full of teeth and
cigarette butts.
Fault : You have fallen over forwards.
Solution : Same as for falling over backwards.
Symptom : Everything has gone dim.
Fault : The pub is closing.
Solution : PANIC!!
SENT
BY
GUY (DUCKY) OF SIMI VALLEY, CA
|
